Now that I am married
I’m in one of those phases where I am thinking, “what use is writing your thoughts and posting them on the internet?” Maybe I am realizing it’s for times like these? When you’ve exhausted every listening ear, or you think perhaps the listening ears out there won’t understand (like the whole internet will then?). Whatever.
Here are the comments people (co-workers, neighbors, parents of my students) have been making:
- welcome to the club!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![wide grin]
- getting any sleep?!
- [referring to married life (like it's a life of it's own)] “It’s a different world, isn’t it!??”[more wide grin]
- have you figured out which side of the bed you sleep on?
- have you made any really good recipes lately? to which I usually respond, “no, why do you ask?”
- you are going to love the first year…. [grin] and then, you know, it’s all down hill after that [hahahah, knee slap]
- you guys getting all settled?
- working out a routine yet?
….the list goes on.
Basically, the questions are either very personal, or sexist. And because I am an undercover feminist at work, bombs detinate silently in my head each time the later type occur. And then I remind myself, “it’s OK, they don’t know.”
But then … yea, “they” don’t “know,” true. But who is to assume I get off work, frantically make dinner and clean the house?
Trust me, no sympathy needed here.
In fact, I’ve enjoyed this first month. Charles is more mommy that I am. More apt to pick up crap from the floor. Maybe it doesn’t matter, but we switch sides of the bed, we don’t steak a claim. Usually we eat snacks for dinner; fruit, toast and honey, roasted chicken. We get plenty of sleep. Except for last night when I was waking up every 30 minutes to throw up (I think it was regular flu, sad you have to deliniate between N1N2 and “regular”, whatever regular is, that’s what I think it was). Adjusting? Not really anything to adjust (I’m probably naiive about this one). I think Charles has made the biggest adjustment, because I stole his car. I ride the car to work, he rides his bike. The only reason I am OK with this is because it was an expensive new road bike. So I consider it a trade. A different world? Not really. It’s the same world. We still wreck our cars, have to go to work and get the flu, just….. we do it together. If that makes it a different world, then OK.
I like being married. It fits nicely. Things are changing, but so far I am the same person I was before the ceremony, just more of the same. It’s hard to describe and now I am going back to wondering why I have a blog in the first place if none of it makes any sense at all or if I sound like a weird freak downer person.
You write because;
Because I need something to read while I am pretending to write papers.
Because what you say matters, your voice is valuable
Because you aren’t alone
Because someone needs to pop the big secret society marriage bubble
But mostly because, you are a writer and you do it well, and because you know that this is who you are, you must keep doing it
You write, because I like to hear your voice and thoughts when I don’t get to see you as much. Also I check like all the time for a new update, and as cate said you are a wonderful writer.
Jen~
As sad as it is, I totally relate to what you are talking about here. It’s refreshing to realize that Erik and I are not alone in our frustration and experience with other people’s understanding of marriage. We both feel that we are more ourselves now and we are strengthened in our personal identity by the other person. Bottom line is…maybe those people who make ridiculous comments like “Make sure you just always say, ‘Yes Dear,’” (What the F?!) and the like don’t really know you. Perhaps they assume too much or get a weird kick out of making bad jokes?? Oh, have you heard the news? Apparently when we marry we are supposed to jump on some one way street to (1) buying a big suburbia house with the white picket fence (2) Living the 9 to 5 (3) popping out babies (4) Putting all the fun/adventure of living on hold until retirement. Retirement?!? Maybe it’s for some people, but that life is definitely NOT for all of us. I didn’t sign up for that life.
I got, “So……..how’s married life?” a lot. I mean a lot, a lot. I never really thought about just how asinine this question is until now, but you are so correct. It’s like regular life, duh…
But married life is different becuase you do life together and least for me, that’s the most special part about it. Whatever kind of life you choose.
And, I second Cait on why you write.
thank you, all of you.
i just had to write about it. it was like eating away at me.
shay, do you have a blog?
God bless you in your Marriage , Jesus be your goal , the goalof married life is to be more like Jesus , in serving and loving one another
can’t wait.